Tantric Sex — The What, Why, & How For A More Mindful Experience
Ancient wisdom is a tool to explore new ways of having meaningful sexual experiences.
Let's take a minute and chat about sex. What is sex? The definition in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary leaves a lot to be desired:
1: “either of the two major forms of individuals that occur in many species and that are distinguished respectively as female or male especially on the basis of their reproductive organs and structures.”
2: “the sum of the structural, functional, and sometimes behavioral characteristics of organisms that distinguish males and females.”
3: “SEXUAL INTERCOURSE”
No wonder we get confused, flustered, and left unsatisfied as a society within our unique sexual experiences. We have been led to believe that in order to “have sex,” we must have intercourse.
What the dictionary fails to put into words is the sacredness of any kind of sexual encounter. It fails to celebrate the union between bodies and individuals—the coming together of souls and the exploration of movement and freedom.
Tantric sex comes in as a tool to broaden our definition of sex and what we hope to give and receive through the experience.
Now, let's talk about Tantric Sex. What is it exactly?
Tantric Sex is a meditative practice that involves deep-rooted intimacy; it can be performed alone or with a partner. The idea is to eliminate the end goal of reaching orgasm and instead cultivate a deeper mind-body connection and an enlightened state of presence.
Tantra is an ancient Hindu Sanskrit word that means to “weave,” and Tantric sex is "the weaving and expansion of energy." It's also been described as the joining of masculinity and feminity, or “dark and light” energies, to create one union.
“Tantric Sex is a meditative practice that involves deep-rooted intimacy that can be performed alone or with a partner.”
This "way" of having sex is not often practiced in western society. We have created a standard around sex that one must reach an end goal, even if that means not fully experiencing the raw connection that can happen through touch or breath. Tantric sex is a tool for healing. It can help those who've been wounded during sexual experiences, as it offers new ways of exploring touch that honors the body and the soul. The practice is gentle, slow, and must be performed with patience.
How To Get Started With Tantric Sex
Incorporating Tantric sex takes practice, and it can take time to feel fully comfortable. It can feel vulnerable and strange at first because we haven't been conditioned to experience sex in a mindful or present way. But, with continued commitment, the experience can become customized and free.
Create a sacred space for yourself or you and a partner.
Take time to prepare a space that promotes intimacy. You want it to feel ultra calming, soothing, and of course, comfortable. Dim the lights, play meditative music, and light some candles.
If trying with a partner, begin by facing each other.
Either with cross-legs or try starting in the Yab-Yum position. The practice can start clothed or not, depending on your comfort level. Start by looking into each other's eyes and begin by breathing together. After you find a rhythm of breath together, you can experiment with speaking loving words.
Gentle touch.
Begin taking turns with gentle touch, remembering that the practice of Tantric sex is not to reach orgasm or to have intercourse (there are no rules against any of this, though). Remember that there is no end goal other than to feel completely connected and relaxed with yourself and another.
Stay present with your partner.
Continue to use eye-contact as a guide, allowing for breath and touch to guide the rest of the way.
Again, Tantric sex requires patience and curiosity, so it may take time to discover what works for your body, mind, and soul. Because Tantric sex is thousands of years old and has been practiced in various ways for centuries, there are vast amounts of resources that can be used to explore the many layers of the practice—both online and in books.
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Courtney Jay Higgins is the Associate Editor at The Good Trade. She is also a Yoga Instructor, vegetarian, wellness and fashion enthusiast. Originally from Colorado, her soul found California when she came to get her degree in Visual Communications at the Fashion Institute Of Design & Merchandising. She has a background in telling a story through writing, creative direction and content creation. Her online blog hosts her unique perspective on the mergence of fashion and spirituality.