Here’s How I Check In On Myself When I'm In A Slump

Self

Sep 8

I am in a slump.

One of those “wrap me in blankets like a burrito and tell me nice things while you feed me cheese” kinds of slumps. My morning routine has imploded, my journal is empty, and somehow grocery shopping and meal planning have become the most difficult things on the planet. And even though I have a few things on the calendar to look forward to, I’m feeling stagnant.

Not the worst of the worst, but I’m not thriving either. And it’s difficult to see a way out.

All my fellow slumps understand this—that un-slumping is hard. It sometimes feels easier to stay stuck in slump swamp than go through all the work of unsticking yourself. I don’t think there are enough blankets in the world to wrap up everyone who’s experiencing a slump right now (I know we’re all feeling it to some extent), so the next best option is to come together to navigate forward. And through.

So here it is: my map of the path out of the mire. It’s one that I’ve used before and will with certainty use again. But that’s the beauty of it—the good times don’t last forever, but neither do the bad times. Consider me a virtual hand reaching out towards you, and let’s get unstuck together.

“The good times don’t last forever, but neither do the bad times.”

1. Determine whether you’re in a slump, and let it out

The first step is to determine whether you’re in a slump or not. In particular, I check in on myself when I notice I’m more angry, anxious, or irritable than usual. Or when I realize the past few weeks have been a blur that feels like one long day (ahem, or the past year). And mostly, when I shrink away from my self-image and start feeling like a spectator of my own life, I know that it’s time to splash some water on my face and reconnect. These are all classic slump-signs, and you’ll know best which ones need your attention first.

“It’s that middle place that can feel confusing—the garden isn’t overrun with weeds, but it’s not vibrant and blossoming, either.”

Like most things in life, this experience lies on a spectrum. On one end of things, you’re moving seamlessly through your days, proactively planning your needs and wants, and squeaking in a little exercise and a shower now and again. On the other end of things, you might need to get in touch with a therapist, psychiatrist, or doctor to help support yourself as you’re working through things. Both are okay! I’ve certainly been on both ends, and right now, I find myself somewhere in between.

But it’s that middle place that can feel confusing—the garden isn’t overrun with weeds, but it’s not vibrant and blossoming, either. I find it’s hardest to check in on myself in these times, but that it’s usually worth it before things get any worse.

So I do just that—usually in a journal, but I’ve also found myself holding conversation with myself on my commute home. I ask myself, do I like my job? My apartment? My wardrobe? My relationships? My self? I examine the emotional, physical, and spiritual pain points I’m feeling and get them down on paper—or speak them out loud to an empty car. Anything that makes me feel like my feelings are expressed and valid.

2. Clear your mind

Self: assessed, slump: verified. What next? This is one of the steps that feels the cheesiest, but I feel like it’s been the most essential for getting me back on track: I spend some time with myself.

“I don’t approach these moments as time to ‘fix myself’ as much as I embrace them as a reminder to ‘be myself.’”

Spend time on your own, whether it’s going to the beach or the grocery store, and clear your head. Practice presence wherever you land; give your lovely brain a few moments to do nothing other than experience the taste of a beer or the feel of a ripe lemon in your hand. Meditation apps can offer you some quiet space to just exist without investing too much time or money.

What’s most important about this part, in my experience, is not to force a solution. I exhaust myself all the time looking for solutions to problems that just need a little time and a little bit of space in my mind. I don’t approach these moments as time to “fix myself” as much as I embrace them as a reminder to “be myself.” To return to my neutral state.

3. Look at the facts

Once you’ve reached equilibrium (or as close to it as you can), list out the facts of your situation in your journal, in your voice memos app, or with a friend. Objectivity is more helpful than judgmental language like “too much” or “not enough” in these moments. For example, instead of saying you drink too much coffee, write down on paper how many cups of coffee you drink in a day. Whether it’s two or twelve, this is all about fact-finding without the self-guilt trip.

4. Ask what you need more of

Then look at what you need more of. Because, personally, every time I start with something like I need to drink less coffee, I get discouraged and self-hatred-y. Instead, I look to additive things first.

“When I think about self-care as ‘more’ rather than ‘less,’ I’m more likely to do it.”

The big three are always more sunshine, more water, and more sleep. It’s a positive way to weed out things like not exercising, too much coffee, or staying up too late. When I think about self-care as more rather than less, I’m more likely to do it. I also look to where I’m feeling the greatest insecurities: if I am feeling like a failure, I find ways to do more of what I know I’m good at. If I’m feeling frumpy, I wear the clothes and makeup that make me feel celebrated.

Look for things you can do right now, as well as things you need change in the long term. Easy wins, like eating a handful of raspberries and drinking a glass of water, can help boost your confidence to make the big changes like moving or searching for a new job.

5. Ask what you need less of

Then I move into the more difficult work of telling myself the truth of what I need less of. This is hard. And it requires honesty. To find these things, I examine my current habits and routines, and I pause whenever I feel a little catch in my gut. Where are the pain points in my day? What pain am I causing myself?

My needs change with the seasons, but right now, they are less negative self-talk, less booze, and less social media. Still here, as an aspiring perpetual optimist, I try to focus on replacing over removing. What can I add to my day to help support swapping these out?

Ditch the judgmental language again here, and look at yourself like you might look at a worn-out child.

6. Make this a habit

And finally comes the challenge of doing this day after day, week after week.

I try to journal and ask myself, in writing, how are you doing today? It makes me feel a little more connected to myself and grants permission for me to be honest rather than performative. (I’ve even shared some of my favorite ways to journal about various feelings here.) And when I’m in a good writing habit, I can go back to the archives to see how I was feeling last year at this time—oftentimes, I can see seasonal patterns and identify lingering stresses that still need to be addressed.

“Your experience is unique, but you are not alone.”

You’re not always going to be able to check in on yourself, and you’re not always going to want to leave a slump. If you can’t unslump yourself today, take a nap and then a good shower, find a blanket, and drink some hot cocoa. You can try again tomorrow.

But don’t let this moment harden you to happiness; it is okay to remain soft and vulnerable. Treat yourself like you would treat a dear loved one going through a difficult time. Take the medicine that supports you, nurture the relationships that energize and inspire you, and remember: your experience is unique, but you are not alone.

Let’s do this.